You Are Missed
by Griffinwalkermw
Summary: A previously little known soldier is interviewed about his own relationship with one Jane Shepard. FemshepxOC. This story is written in tribute to my deceased partner.
1. Devastated

**This may not be the best time to do this, considering that I have two major stories already in the works. But in all honesty, it does feel like a sort of therapy, after what happened to the mother of my child. Also, this will probably be the only Mass Effect story I will write. However, if I ever were to change my mind, this story would become non-canon, because as a few of you may know, for example, my OC characters in Star Wars, are all aware of each other's existence. As per usual, since I don't give my real description, you can simply imagine my appearance as default male Shepard.**

 **In scenes where the main character, Griffin Walker, flashes back, the word font switches to Italics.**

 **This is not a reflection of how I played through the original trilogy. It is not meant to show if I prefer maleShep, or femShep. Neither is every detail in this story an actual event that happened in mine, and my deceased fiancé's relationship, which should prove to be obvious, but you never know with some people. This is simply something I write to ease my mind. With all that being said, here's You Are Missed.**

* * *

Devastated

Hell. That's what the five elite agents of the Nightshade observed from their cockpit. Hell both on, and around Earth. The massive purple constructs known as the Reapers were shooting capital level ships in half, every minute. Enemy combat units were overwhelming all races on both the Earth, and the moon. Human, Turian, Asari, Salarian, and even the Krogan were losing upwards of fifty troops, every other minute. But it wasn't entirely hopeless. Through patience, and grit, Commander Shepard and a small team were able to hold a Reaper off from a missile system, long enough to launch one into its laser, and kill it. Who else but her to pull that off. Unconfirmed reports stated that the Normandy had left Earth, to an as of yet unconfirmed destination. But, with their own dire personal situation, no one on the Nightshade had time to figure out the validity of this report.

Although the Nightshade was a bit smaller than the original Normandy, it made up for its underwhelming size, with the best armor money could buy. But even that armor was at a slight disadvantage, to the firepower of even the Reaper Starfighters. She could only take so much, and one last shot was enough to send the ship crashing down. Starting the battle in space, now aiding allied forces in the skies above Houston, Texas, their was nothing that anyone on her crew could do, except pilot Nicholas Borde, an Engineer class agent, who could only hope to make the landing as easy as possible, at this point. Joined by Ship captain Griffin Walker a solider, Carlos Morales an infiltrator, Matias Font a Sentinel, and Ramone Garcia an Adept, the men strap themselves in, as Walker gets on the intercom. "Crew of the Nightshade, we are going down! All hands, get seated down, and strap yourselves in! This is not a drill, repeat this is not a drill!"

"Its been an honor knowing, and serving with you four." Ramone states.

"Don't talk like that, Ramone!" Matias snaps.

"I can get us through this, I swear!" Nick promises his oldest friends. "Just hang on tight, and brace yourselves!"

In all reality, the ship and her crew were lucky that they weren't crashing down from the atmosphere, as it would have made this landing fiery. But with the Reapers hulking over the Houston skyline, and the Nightshade perfectly vulnerable, even Carlos, a highly experienced sniper, couldn't hold back the nervous sweat. The only way Nicholas' knuckles could be any more white, was if the bones had popped through the skins. Matias' eyes were practically shooting his own death lasers through the side of the closest Reaper. Ramone had to preoccupy himself, by seeing how many of the Nightshade's systems, and machines could have been saved, if worse came to worse. As for Griffin, he said one thing silently, "Guess I might not make it to that breakfast after all."

After a seemingly long time, the ship finally touched ground, and began to slide, with Nicholas trying his damndest to grind the ship to a halt, as the alarms rang the loudest any of them had ever heard. Although Ramone's readings categorized the ship's armor as compromised, it still was able to hold up against the debris that it inevitably ran over, on the way down. Realizing they were about to crash right into the Battle of San Jacinto monument, which was surprisingly still standing, Nicholas pushed all systems toward a hard brake. They hit the base of the monument, causing the windshield to shatter, as Ramone throws up a barrier large enough to protect all five of them from the glass. They took a minute to catch their breaths, and realized that their ears were all wringing, and they couldn't hear a sound other, for the next thirty minutes.

Finally, they realize their hearing has returned, when a member of their crew comes to check on them. "Sirs, are you all alright?"

"We'll be fine officer. Lead everyone to the base, we'll make our own way out." Griffin says.

"Yes sir."

"Before you go, how bad is it?"

"We're all wounded, minorly, to majorly. three casualties."

"Damn. Alright, head to the nearest base camp, and move quietly.

"Understood."

Griffin then turned to his squad. "You guys alright?"

"I'll be perfectly fine." Carlos said, standing right up.

"Can't feel my fingers, but I can move my arms. I'll be alright." Ramone said, as he stretch out.

"Think I lost a tooth." Matias said, holding his mouth.

"My knee's broken." Nicholas said. "I need help, my chairs jammed."

"Alright, Matias, lets get him out of the chair." Griffin responds, as the two big men move over, and muscle the chair back, to where they could get their old friend out of here. "Come on guys, we need to get to the base."

"Griffin, you're bleeding." Nicholas says.

"Same spot Nick?"

"Yeah."

"I'll live." Carlos and Ramone lead Griffin and Matias, carrying Nick, out to the entry port, and into the ruins of Houston. What was once a great American city, has now been reduced to a smoldering, smoky mess. But just when they thought their sight couldn't get any worse, one of the smaller Reapers lands right in front of them, its death laser undoubtedly no less deadly than those of its larger counterparts. As for the very eye that the laser is shot out of, it was staring them down, prepping for fire.

"Boys, as captain of the ship, this is on my shoulders. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Nick says.

"It is what it is." Matias coldly states.

"We gave them hell." Ramone gleefully states.

"And we fought and died as a team, as we always should've." Carlos concludes, showing the brother's comradery. As the Reaper's eye shined brighter, and eradiated more raw power, the five men shut their eyes, and braced to find the answer of one of life's greatest mysteries, they suddenly heard a powering down size, and opened their eyes to realize that the Reaper's eye had completely shut off, as the red colored energy had faded away, and the Reaper was stumbling right to the ground, undamaged, yet still dead.

After a brief pause of confusion, they realized that their communications were going off like crazy. "Delta squadron, come in!"

Regaining his composure, and wiping some of the blood away from his eye, Griffin answered the call. "This is Lieutenant Walker, codename Destroyer. We're all alive and well, with the exception of pilot Nicholas Borde, whose right knee is shattered. What's the situation?"

"Vastly improved. The Crucible was a success. Commander Shepard was a success. The Reapers are dying, one by one."

All five had the biggest smiles on their faces. "Roger that Command. In that case, we're requesting pick up. Our location is the San Jacinto monument, in Houston, Texas."

"Request granted. They'll be there soon. Glad to hear you and your squad made it out alive, Lieutenant." They say as the call is cut.

"She did it boys. We win." Even Nick, with as much energy as he could muster, raised his fist up to the air, as Delta Squadron let out a victory cry, that could be heard for miles.

Days later...

Nick's knee was shattered, completely. He had had surgery exactly one day after the battle on and above Earth. The doctor said that if he wasn't forced into retirement, that he would be out for a year. As for the Nightshade, there was no chance of it being flight-worthy again, which saddened all five men, as it had served as their mobile command center, since they were named an N7 squad five years ago. It was their home. While not every memory they had on that ship was a good one, it was still their home.

"Hey Griffin," Nick starts. "Have you seen her yet?"

"Oh wow, I haven't even looked for her yet." He answers.

"What the hell are you waiting for?" Matias says, a dumbfounded look on his face.

"Seriously. Go find her."

"You sure Nick?"

"Go. I'll be fine."

"Come on man. We don't know what she's been through. Seeing you could be exactly what she needs, right now." Carlos adds.

"Alright boys," Griffin starts, as he turns to run out, to the command center. "I'll see y'all later." He exits the medical center sprinting toward the command center. He could've looked around for a member of her crew, or a member of her squad, but realized that going to Command, and speaking to Admiral Hackett, would've been a much faster alternative. Luckily, Alliance Command Ship was undamaged, and there was enough ships left, and enough days had passed, that Hackett wasn't overly busy. It was a long way from the Medical Center, to the Command Center, but Griffin had to know. The doors open, and he slowed to a walk, and saluted the Admiral. "Admiral Hackett."

"At ease Lieutenant Walker. I was going to come find you before long."

"Admiral, what became of-"

"I know what you're going to ask Lieutenant."

"You do?"

"Yes. I know of your past relationship with Commander Jane Shepard. She did in fact make it onto the Crucible, along with Admiral Anderson. Cerberus leader the Illusive Man was also on board. I wish I had better news for you Lieutenant... but all three have been confirmed dead."

Griffin once again lost his hearing. He knew Hackett had said more, but once his face was buried in his right hand, he could no longer hear a word. A single tear shed from his left eye.


	2. Early Years

**Full disclosure, I'm not going to be saying much prior to the writing of the actual chapter, or after. Possibly not even anything at all, unless I have something I really want to say. With that being said, the following details, are of the girl that I knew, not Commander Shepard, even though some details are a bit similar. All flashback sequences will be written in the first person perspective.**

* * *

Early Years

Months passed since the Battle of Earth. The most brilliant minds, from every race Shepard brought to the fold, were able to repair the relay from the remnant technology of the Reaper corpses. The rebuilding of Earth's cities would take possibly centuries, but the Citadel was also able to be repaired with leftover Reaper technology. Were it not for the genius of the scientists, it would have taken years to rebuild the relays. Today was the day that the Citadel returned to the Serpent Nebula, which for some reason, greatly helped to ease the nerve of one Lieutenant Griffin Walker. The Sol System was crowded enough, as it is.

At the very least, Griffin was glad to see the Geth gone for good. AI was always something that he wondered what good reason anyone would have for even inventing in the first place. A robot life form with its own conscience, to him was always a recipe for disaster, and that's why the council outlawed it. But at least the Quarians had learned from their past mistakes. He also remembered all to well the horrifying image of the Geth placing his fellow soldiers on their machines, only for them to be impaled, and turned into those gruesome husks. How Shepard decided to give them a second chance, after even only Eden Prime was beyond him.

Standing out the observation deck of Lunar Base, gazing at the Citadel as it prepares to move, Griffin is interrupted from his train of thought, by his communicator's ring. "Griffin." Nick says after he answers.

"Hey Nick, how are you feeling?" He responds.

"I'm somewhere between 'getting there', and 'this shit hurts like hell'."

"So baby steps?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

Griffin smiled. "What else did you need?"

"I wanted to tell you that Admiral Hackett come looking for you, earlier. I told him the truth." Nick concluded, sounding somewhat nervous.

"I wouldn't have expected anything less. Don't worry Nick, I'm not hiding, no matter how big my grief is."

"I didn't think that you were, it's just that you've gone for days where no one sees you. At this point, I'm just hoping that Hackett isn't looking for you to tell you that you're being discharged for going AWOL."

"I know. They should be able to figure out for themselves, that I just need some time alone, frequently, for the foreseeable future. I will talk about it eventually, it just has to be the right setting for me to feel comfortable talking about it."

"Lieutenant Walker!" Admiral Hackett calls out, as he enters the room, and everyone turns to salute him.

"Nick, we'll talk later." Griffin cuts the call, and turns to salute him as well. "Ten-hut!"

"At ease Griffin." Hackett turns to everyone else in the room. "A bit of privacy, everyone. Your dismissed." Saluting him an additional time, they all turn, and leave the deck to the Lieutenant, and Admiral, who turns back to Griffin. "Lieutenant, you can relax. I'm not here to court marshal you."

Griffin lets his arms fall to his sides. "Thank you, sir."

Hackett stands next to him. "When I told you of Commander Shepard's passing, I wanted to both see and hear your reaction. Obviously it had an effect on you, but I don't know what exactly your feelings were, because you didn't say a word."

Griffin sighs hard. "We were speaking again, for the first time since before she was assigned to the original Normandy. Sir, up until I saw the body, I didn't entirely believe she was dead, as she had already been dead, for two straight years."

"And it still hasn't entirely sunk in, has it?"

He shakes his head. "No sir."

Hackett turns to stare him down. "Griffin. I know this isn't going to be something you want to hear. But Alliance brass has ordered you to sit down, and be interviewed about your relationship with Shepard."

"What? Why?"

"What you and your squad did during the Battle for Earth ensured that a large number of soldiers, from all allied races, managed to survive to see the end of that battle. With Commander Shepard gone, the major agents in the Crew of the Normandy disbanded, we need for the galaxy to realize that we are ready for anything, even after the invasion, and near destruction of our homeworld, after the loss of our greatest hero. Brass wants you 100% focused, and they feel that the best way for you to be at that level, is for you to get all of your memories, that so few knew about, off of your chest, so that you may grieve."

"And if I refuse?"

"Then I am here to court marshal you, after all."

Griffin shut his eyes, shaking his head, and rubbing his forehead. "Alright. Who is doing the interview?"

"That's up to you. It can be either a citadel reporter of the council's choosing, or it can be me."

"The council's participating?"

"Mainly because of Earth's new councilor."

"Should've been you, if you ask me."

"No it shouldn't have. Whether he wanted to or not, Bailey has learned more about politics in his tenure with C-sec, than most others learn in their lifetime. He'll do just fine."

"Especially with no Cerberus to corrupt him."

"Make your choice Griffin. If you want to be interviewed by a Citadel reporter, we need to get you on a shuttle to the Citadel, right now."

"I don't want to talk about this, with some stranger Admiral."

"Good. I know exactly what to ask you, and this way we can keep your face off of the extranet, in case you need to go undercover in the future. And, we can also just get this over with, since I know exactly what to ask you." He presses the comm on his wrist. "Come on in, ensign."

As the door opens, Hackett takes a moment. "In return for this, I've elected to grant you three weeks of shore leave, after this interview is over."

"Thank you, sir."

"One more thing. In recognition of your service, the brass sees it fit to promote you to Lieutenant-commander. It will be made official after the interview. Congratulations."

Griffin hadn't smiled that big, since the Reaper fell in front of him, on Earth. He shook hands with the Admiral. "Thank you so much, sir."

"You deserve it. Let's have a seat." The ensign stood next to Hackett, his computer at the ready, to type every word of the interview.

"Current date is October 14th, 2186," The Ensign starts. "Time is 2:00 P.M., Galactic Standard time. Okay. I'm ready when you are, Admiral."

"Thank you, Ensign. May the person I'm interviewing please state his name, for the record."

"My name is Griffin Walker, Lieutenant with the Alliance Navy, and leader of N7's Delta Squadron."

"If you would, please tell me the nature of this interview."

"I'm here with Alliance Admiral Steven Hackett, to discuss my previous relationship, with the deceased Commander Jane Shepard."

"Very good. Lets start from the beginning. How did you meet Commander Shepard?"

"We met on Earth, both of us having been born there. I never asked her where exactly she was from, I just remember meeting her, in Minneapolis, Minnesota, not long after my family and I moved there, from Lynchburg, Tennessee."

"What became of her parents?" Hackett asks, hinting towards Shepard's orphanage.

"Even she never knew. She was adopted at the age of two, and her adoptive parents moved to Minneapolis, around the same time we did. I met her in Kindergarten. The two of us were as close as could be. We sat next to each other in the class rooms, we ate lunch together, chased each other on the playground, the whole nine yards, all the way to fourth grade, I believe. But... something was obviously going on with her, at home, for a while."

"Do you know what it was?"

"No, she wouldn't talk about it, even years later. Whatever it was, when she was ten years old, she ran away from home. For two years, I didn't see her at all. And then... one day, I'm walking by her adoptive parents house... and its one fire. There's fire fighters all around, ambulances, EMTs. Twelve years old at the time, I was. And then suddenly, I look to my left, and she comes running in. She looked terrible. She had lost weight, her face was bruised up a fair bit. And not long after she arrives, we both hear the EMTs saying how the homeowners didn't make it. She just burst out crying, and threw her arms around me, devastated."

"What did she do, after that?"

"I'm not sure. I didn't see her again, until the sixth grade, the next year. I talked to her, always made sure she was alright, and then after the first quarter, she was barely at school. She was skipping it, basically. Finally, I went up to my parents, and did what I should've done when she ran away from home. I had my cop parents find her. And I had them bring her in to our home."

"So your parents adopted her."

"Yes sir. But even after the fact, I still had to drag her butt with me, to school. She may have fallen behind, but not going wasn't going to do her any good."

Griffin then pauses, and flashes back to a memory of one such time, in their high school years.

 _My parents both had to go out early in the morning, so I was the only one to actually be there, and wake Jane up. Of course she's 15, going on 16 at this point, so she should be able to wake herself up. I know she wants to sleep in, and then go blow off school, and go hang out with those friends of hers. I know enough to know that they are the last people she needs to hang out with. Along with that point, she's coming close to breaking the law with the time she's missed._

"I'll tell you, sir. If she didn't like riding in my vehicle as much as she did, I might've never got her to school as much as I did." Griffin tells the Admiral, before more of his memories flash through his mind.

 _Quietly creeping her door open, she sleeps peacefully, lightly snoring, but otherwise silent, and still. She looks so much like an angel, that I don't want to wake her up. But I know that her coming with me is the best thing for her. "Jane." I say, as I approach. She didn't respond. "Jane, come on, you don't need to be late." I continue, as I nudge her shoulder._

 _"Wha- what are you talking about, Griff?" Jane groggily says, having just woken up._

 _"What do you think? It's Wednesday, and we're still in High School."_

 _"Oh come Griffin. Wouldn't you rather do something else."_

 _"Yes I would, but you said you weren't interested in me," Is what I was thinking, but I would never actually say that. "I know what your idea of 'something else' is, and you should know by now that I don't agree with it. Come on, lets go."_

 _"Five more minutes."_

 _"I'm not your mother Jane, come on." I turn to walk out of her room, and stop at the door way, to make sure she actually gets up._

 _"Griffin, I'm not wearing clothes." She says as she sits up with her blanket covering her breasts, and her face slightly red. I look her in the eyes, and then look away, and place an open hand against the side of my head, to let her know I won't look. I hear her sigh, and the covers shuffling around, as she gets out of bed, and opens up her drawer, to grab her clothes. A couple seconds later, she's dressed, and tapping me on the arm. "Why are you so insistent on this, Griffin?"_

 _"Because I don't want to watch my parents arrest you, Jane. And they won't have a choice, if you keep on skipping school. That's Minnesota state law."_

 _"I haven't missed that many days."_

 _I stop her right in her steps. "Jane, you've missed fifteen days."_

 _"What?!"_

 _"Jane, I know some people who think nothing of you. But I believe in you. You're going to be held back this year, but listen, get your head in it, and focus from now on, stay away from those 'friends' of yours, and I know you'll be able to bounce back."_

 _"Can I ride with you from now on?"_

 _"I'm gonna be waking your ass up, from now on, if that's what you want."_

 _Sarcastically, she sighs and puts her hands on her hips. "I think I can live with that." She says._ _I smiled brightly. "Alright, I'd be glad to drive you. Now come on, lets go."_

Griffin opened his eyes, sighing at first, and then smiling. "For a long stretch of time, including the time when she lived with me, Shepard and I barely spoke to each other, or even looked at each other. But after one morning, one short talk, and a reality check later, and she was riding with me to, and from school, on a daily basis. When she found out that she might not be able to join the military until after High School graduation, she worked her ass of to catch up to me, and the rest of our graduating class, then enrolled in boot camp a week after graduation, so I give her a- all due respect, sir- shit ton of credit."

"When did you decide to enroll?"

"When I was twenty. I had no idea what I was going to do at that point, so I *chuckles* I decided to play catch up with her, for a change." Griffin then stops, completely dead in his tracks, leans down, and buries his head in his hands, missing her.

"Ensign, take a break." The Admiral says in response. "Griffin, you too."


	3. Our Own Tragedies

Our Own Tragedies

Lieutenant-commander Walker knew this wasn't going to be easy, but had no idea how quickly it would get to him, the first time. Splashing his face with water from the sink in the bathroom, he stares at his reflection in the mirror, and sees that his eyes are still reddened from the tears. He shakes his head swiftly, getting a grip on things again. Of course its hard, but if the brass wants it done, it needs to be done. He pulls some paper towels out of the dispenser, and wipes the moisture off of his face, looking back in the mirror. "Let's get this over with."

He walks back out to the observation deck. "Okay Admiral." He says.

"Are you ready, son?" The Admiral asks.

"No sir. But this needs to be done."

"As you say. Take a seat, Lieutenant-commander."

Walker sits back down into the chair, as the Admiral calls for the Ensign to re-enter the room. "Let's move on now. You said that you had both enlisted, with you doing so a couple of years after she did, as our records confirm. How did the two of you first reconnect?"

"She was there, two years after I graduated when we were both twenty-two, to let me know that the N7 Program was interested in recruiting me."

"How does it feel, to suddenly receive an invitation like that? Remember that this interview is informal."

"Surreal. I know I had been training in multiple forms of Martial Arts, since long before I enlisted, but I still never could've anticipated that. Although I'm a pretty good sniper, and explosives expert, so that could've had something to do with the decision."

"Surely, she would have separated again from you, once you went to Rio De Janeiro. Did she contact you after graduation?"

"Immediately after, actually. She was in attendance for my ceremony. Five others graduated the same day I did. One is... dead, and the others are all on my team. I just hope that Nick can rejoin us, before long."

"So Shepard approached you, immediately after the fact?"

"Right. Tells me that for the time being, she's been assigned as my CO. I don't know if she pulled those strings, or not, but knowing how persuasive she was, it wouldn't surprise me. We talked in our downtime, went out to restaurants in civilian attire, generally just became close again, for the first time in... five years at that point. Finally five months past, and the both of us are given shore leave. We both want to go back to Earth, but don't want a hotel. So, we decided to co-rent a hotel, in Lynchburg, Tennessee."

"Interesting, considering that your personal files note a fondness for Jack Daniels."

"I heard about that. No shame in it, it doesn't interfere with my duties... sir."

"It's alright LC. Like I said, this is informal."

"Right." He pauses for a second, and looks to the floor. "Last I heard, that apartment complex got knocked down, during the invasion. I wasn't living in it anymore, but still, that's a real shame."

"Surely much more damage could've been done, had it not been for yours, and Commander Shepard's actions, LC. The renting of the apartment... was it what immediately led to your relationship, or did that happen later?"

"Nearly a year later. A month and a half after we rented the apartment, the higher ups deemed it a good decision to reassemble me, and the rest of my friends into a new squad. I thought for sure that Shepard herself would've been added to this, as leader. But instead they decided to send her on an assignment of her own. I was honored that they considered me worthy of a leadership role, especially for an N7 exclusive squad, but at the same time, a bit upset that they were separating us."

"You were getting closer, the more time you spent together."

Walker cracks a half smile. "At first, it was a second reunion with a long lost friend, but as time grew on, we realized, more and more, how close we really had been, all those years. It was something we never noticed when we were kids, but now that we had matured, our relationship was basically an inevitability at that point."

"And was you being there for her, after Akuze the tipping point?"

"Yes, and no. It was tragedies on both of our ends, that was the tipping point."

Admiral Hackett takes a look through his notes, remembering of the loss of a squad member of Griffin's. "Staff Sergeant Shawn Anderson. He died when your squad was sent to a mission on Benning."

"The most naturally gifted, talented, and yet hard working soldier that I have ever personally served with. And I'm including Shepard herself in that conversation. If he had survived, I truly believe he would've been the figurehead the Alliance would be rallying behind, not me. And behind the scenes, he was our brother, our family. Given how long I've known both him, and the rest of my squad, that left me in a bad way. And not knowing at that point in time whether or not Jane had survived Akuze or not... I immediately hit the bottle once I was back in the hotel."

"So you were drunk by the end of that night?"

"Not completely, but I would've been, if Jane hadn't have walked through the door, to stop me."

 _When I first got back to the apartment, the first thing I saw was the graduation photo of my squad, and myself. We all should have lived to a ripe old age, and now one of us was gone. Not only that, but the best among us._

 _The only thing I was seeking out when I was going to the apartment was the bottle. My apartment has always been loaded. Beer, whiskey, wine, vodka, mead, bourbon. So much to choose from, and as far as I'm concerned, I need it right now._

 _The second thing that I saw when I walked into the room, was Jane's graduation portrait. I poured both of the Jack and Cokes I had, all the while staring at her picture, hoping that she survived whatever happened on Akuze, but knowing that with my luck, that I had likely lost both my best friend, and the woman I love, all in one week. Realizing that I would now never get the chance to tell her how I feel, I throw the two liter of Coke to the floor to my right, now sipping straight from the bottle of Jack Daniels, as the alcohol begins to fester more of my anger._

"I've never been so angry, so upset with life, than at that point in time. I've never ripped right through drinks like I did on that night. I had already had two cocktails, not even one hour into when I got back to my apartment, after which point, I was now just drinking whiskey, straight from the bottle." Griffin said, before floating back into memory.

 _I'm at a point drinking right now, where I simply no longer feel any form of burn, regardless of how many sips I take. And while I know that I'm not dealing with my emotions the right way, I also know that the right way is a blurry line, at best, at times like this. Was there a better way?_

 _Yes there was. I locked the door behind me after slamming it, and the only surviving people who I believed had any keys to my apartment, were all at their own homes, both on Earth, and beyond. But I never expected who it truly was._

 _The sight of Jane was the only possible thing that could make me place the bottle back down, on to the counter top. My face was shaking, both from the relief of the first piece of good news, in what felt like too long, and the joy of seeing her alive._

 _"I heard about Shawn." She said, as she approaches the living room._

 _"I heard about Akuze." I responded, after putting the bottle back with the other bottles of booze. "I thought I lost you too." I say as I choke up. As more of the light shines onto her face, I realize just how traumatized she truly was. She had been crying for some time. She caked on makeup, to try the cover the fact that she looked like hell underneath. But her tears made the makeup a pointless gesture._

 _"Griffin... just..." She didn't need to say another word. I pulled her in, and she wrapped her arms around my body, as our tears soak each others shirts. Neither one of us could hold back the tears. We were both traumatized, saddened and angered by the loss of comrades, some of which we had known before our respective military careers even began. We both believed we would never see each other again. And the only thing both of us wanted was to be in each others arms..._

"That apartment only had one shower, and I knew that my sadness and anger were outweighed by her trauma. So I let her go take one first, even though a number of parts of my body objected. But I'm Soldier-class. I was trained to deal with the pain for up to half a day, and she was only in for forty minutes, in all. When she got out, she said that she was going to bed. I didn't think she meant mine."

 _I opened up the bathroom door after drying off, as the nice, cool air of the apartment helps to relax my body. For whatever reason, the shower had no in between. It was either going to be a really hot shower, or a really cold one. I better let the landlords know about that, tomorrow morning. I walked down the hall, heading toward my room. I stopped at her door first, which was already closed, and gave a couple knocks, before saying "Goodnight Jane." When she didn't answer, and since there was no light coming out of the bottom of the door, I just assumed that she had gone to fallen asleep before even being laid out on the bed._

 _I went over to my room, the door wide open, and discovered that my previous observation was incorrect. She wasn't in her room at all, and she was wide awake. Dressed in a pair of pajama pants, and a simple white bra, cleaned entirely of her makeup, which I honestly had always believed she looked better without, she stared at me as I walked in the room, and the pain was still clear, in her eyes._

 _"What are you doing in here?" I asked, trying to avoid checking out her breathtaking figure._

 _"I... I don't want to sleep alone tonight." She softly let out._

 _"Since when has that ever been a problem for you?"_

 _"Since I lost all of the unit that I served with, earlier this week. Now, especially when you're around, I never want to sleep alone again."_

"That really struck a cord with me, when she told me that she never wanted to sleep alone again. Later on, she ended up using her fast rising influence with the brass to get herself, my crew and I assigned together, not as Delta Squad, like we are now, because that was already a thing, with different individuals. But she didn't lie. If she thought that a mission would take more than less than a day to complete, she took me with her."

"If I'm not mistaken, she was the leader of the unit at this time, correct?"

"Correct." Walker responds, as he slips back into his memory.

 _All of this was still registering in my mind, but there was still one issue. I had asked to take her on a date, several times over the past eight years, or so, and she had always turned me down before this. Now she was seemingly coming on to me. "I can't help you with that, Jane."_

 _"What do you mean?" She asks, sounding almost heartbroken._

 _"You know what I mean. You know me better than to think that I can just sleep in the same bed with you, for one, or even a few nights, when you know as well as I do that I **want** you."_

 _"Griffin, you and your father are the only two men left in the world that I love. And your father is married."_

 _I have to admit, she got the first laugh out of me, in days. She knew it was genuine, and it was great to finally see her endearing smile. Regardless, that did nothing for my skepticism. "You do have a point. But Jane, the fact of the matter is, you've told me that you love me before, and we both know it was as a friend."_

 _"And how much have things changed since you graduated from N7 training? Since we've moved into this apartment?"_

 _"I asked you out after we moved in, and you said no again."_

 _"Three months in. A few months later, I warmed to you to the point of melting. My breathing changed when you walked into the room, my heartbeat sped up. You may not have seen some of the looks I shot your way, but if you had, it would've been enough for you score a homerun. Griffin," She steps up to me, and grips my face in her hands. "what is it going to take to convince you that **I** want you."_

 _"I think you just did." I say, as I feel myself growing aroused. Next thing I know she pulled me down to her lips, shoving her tongue._

"Some people would probably be judgmental over how we chose to grieve that night, and hell even how it became the start of our relationship. But to be blunt, we found out that night that how sexual we were. It made all we did that night the perfect way to comfort each other."

 _She pushed me onto the bed, before crawling down onto my lap, straddling my crotch, and leaving my member basically nothing to the imagination, as her thin pajama pants felt like skin, against my thin shorts. As she pressed her lips back against mine, she knew she had me wrapped around her finger, and as did I, with her._

"In hindsight, it was the best night of my life. But given all that had happened in that week, it was still hard to believe such at the time. Now, I just wish I could relive it in its entirety." 'Rather than just these brief flashes I'm seeing', Walker thought to himself.

 _Stripped bare, and raring to go, I've got her on her back, and I make her shudder as I gently push into her. "Shit." she moans out, as she pulls me in, pushing my face into the mattress, from the back of my head. She knew just as well as I did that we both knew what we were doing at this point. "Fuck me." She lightly whispers into my ear._

Not wanting this to be part of the interview, and knowing that this was none of anyone's business, Walker spoke these thoughts to himself. 'In the subsequent months of our relationship, we were rough with each other. But on that first night, we only cared about how close we were, not how deep I went.' He thought to himself.

 _It's a good thing a lost some weight recently, because I probably would've otherwise pancaked Jane. She had a strong grip on my back in her left hand, her nails digging in providing both pain and pleasure, while I feel her right hand entangled in my hair. I have to turn my head to attach my lips, in order to keep myself under control. I almost lost it when she warmly sighed into my ear._

Walker couldn't hear in full volume while going through the memory, what Admiral Hackett was saying, but he could hear well enough. "She really loved you." He said.

Walker shook his head. "I guess she did."

"She was one of a kind."

"Damn right she was." He looked down on the floor, as the ending of his memory plays out in his mind.

 _After a scream into my mouth signaling her orgasm, I hit one last hard thrust, and popped as I slowed to a halt. Our lips had been attached together for the last couple of minutes, and now we had to catch our breathe, because we were spent, pleased, and happy. I went to her left side, lying on my own side, and pulling her body into mine. She looked back at me and we kissed one more time._

"That next morning was the first time we ever told each other how we truly felt. And no matter what unfolded in the future, I never felt any different."


	4. Turning Point

**Before I write anything, I would like to say thanks to the ones who have followed this story, and I'd also like to thank everyone who's read this for not leaving a negative comment. I'm not writing for quality here. I'm writing because this story feels therapeutic, and it has been working for the better.**

 **The rest of this story, save for the majority of the final chapter, are mostly fictional, although some of the next chapter is loosely based off of real events.**

* * *

Turning Point

It would never been better than if she was still alive, but the story that Lieutenant Walker just told, and the memory flashes that accompanied it, was a comforting thought and image for the mourning soldier. It was just a shame that it wasn't the end of it.

"When did you're relationship end?" Hackett asked Walker.

"The first time we all thought she was dead."

"Interesting. Conflicting reports said that she started a relationship with Dr. T'soni, others saying Alenko."

"No, that wouldn't happen until she was taking down the Collectors. She even told me that, when I saw her after the Sovereign incident, on the Citadel."

"Thane Krios, former Drell Assassin. Killed by Kai Leng, whilst helping Shepard protect the Council."

Walker shook his head. "I never met him," He said authoritatively. "And I was for whatever reason one of the last to hear that Shepard was alive. There relationship was born after I found that out, and when I heard what she was doing, whatever anger I had about her not calling me was gone. So I can't hate him at all, even though I did when I first found out. Fair play, you know."

"You weren't even mad about their relationship?"

"Not at first, because I didn't know anything about it, until after I reached out to call her."

 _Six months spent in the Sahara Desert, and three fucking months that it turns out that Shepard is alive. I have zero idea as to how, all I've heard is damned rumors. I've already heard in the time since myself and my team have been looking in to these rumors of Geth on Earth, both rumors and facts. But what pisses me off, is the fact that she's been reported as alive for three months now, and no one decided to think it would be a good idea to tell me, regardless of my radio silence order. Guess that's what happens, when the only people who knew about my operation, was high-ranking officials._

 _It doesn't matter though. Not anymore. I have the means to contact the captain's cabin of the new Normandy, and while I have no idea what I'm going to say, after I ask about the latest rumor, at least I have something to start with. I return to my own Captain's Cabin on the Nightshade, and I don't care when my ship's VI says that "Hackett has requested my presence," or even hear if for that matter, for a while. I switch on my communications console, and dial up the signal I was given. Unlike cell phones, from the 21st century, these consoles will beep upwards of ten times, before going to voicemail. The console beeps nine times, before her image finally is displayed. Her face was lightly scarred, so obviously something happened._

 _"Hi Griffin." She said to me calmly. I felt like she wasn't as happy to see me, as much as I assumed she would be._

 _"Jane. It's been awhile." I responded, not knowing the best way to say 'it's good to see you again,' after these circumstances._

 _"I'm sure you have a lot of questions. I have some time before I have to go, so ask whatever you want to."_

 _"Alright. How best to put this? Which rumor is the truth?"_

 _"That depends. Is there a rumor about the Collectors?"_

 _"The Collectors? No, I've heard nothing about them. Only some nonsense about Cerberus."_

 _"It's not nonsense. I did die, but they spent the past two years trying to bring me back to life."_

 _"So... they're the good guys now?"_

 _"I'm not sure. But something tells me I'll find out, real soon."_

 _"Then be careful."_

 _"Aren't I always?"_

 _"No Jane, no you're not always."_

 _"Fair enough."_

"So who was it that told you that Shepard was alive?" Admiral Hackett snaps Walker out of his memories.

"The Extranet." The Lieutenant responded. "I thought what I was reading was at first just a rumor, and then I saw an image of her on the Citadel, Omega, and Illium, among a few other places. I even heard she was partly responsible for what happened in the Bahak system."

"That information is classified." Hackett suddenly cut him off. "Regardless of whether or not she told you about this..."

"Relax Admiral. She told me not to tell anyone, and I gave her my word that I wouldn't even speak of it, even to my own team."

"Good. Ensign, cut out every part of the interview, after where Lieutenant Walker spotted Commander Shepard."

"Yes sir."

"Moving on. How were you able to get in contact with Shepard?"

"I went to her mentor. Admiral Anderson. He wanted to protect her, but once I was able to prove to him that we had a relationship, he didn't hesitate." Walker looks into the distance, as his memories continue.

 _"So the Collectors, huh?"_

 _"The Collectors. It turns out they were hidden beyond the Omega 4 Relay."_

 _"Jane, that's a suicide run. A crew of notorious pirates one year ago were on the run, and jumped through the Omega 4 relay to avoid the law. No one ever saw them again. And that's just one story."_

 _"No ship has ever had the kind of equipment that the Normandy has. The ship is equipped with a Thanix Cannon, the Armor is near-impregnable, and the Multi-core shielding comes from Cyclonic Barrier Technologies, the best available in the galaxy."_

 _"Then why don't you come pick me up, and I'll help."_

 _"Would you?"_

 _"They gave me a whole month of leave, after my mission was completed, and you sound like you're ready to go through the relay sooner, rather than later."_

 _She smiles brightly, which would be better to see in person. "Thank you, Griffin."_

 _"Maybe the night before we go through the relay, we could... reacquaint."_

 _Her smile quickly vanished, and I knew something was wrong, as I had at first. She looked down at the ground, then back into my eyes. It was time for her to tell me. "Griffin. You're not gonna like what I have to say." Somehow I knew. But I still needed to hear it. "When I went back to the Citadel, to see Anderson. I asked about Kaidan Alenko, and he told me what he was doing was classified. Then I dismissed the two members of my current crew that I had with me at the time, and I asked him about you, and when he told me that he didn't know what became of you, He assumed you were dead, and I had no reason not to believe him."_

 _"Anderson wasn't one of the ones queued in on mine, and my team's operation. Udina knew. Not trying to blame you, or say you made the wrong decision, but if you had chosen Anderson over Udina, he would've been able to tell you."_

 _"Son of a bitch. I knew I should've asked him when I had the chance."_

 _"Don't fool yourself. Anderson cares enough about you, to tell you. Udina doesn't give a shit about either of us. He wouldn't have said a word."_

 _"It's one of the reasons, why I was hesitant to answer your call. I couldn't believe my eyes at first. But the main reason is because I don't know how to say this to you. Hell, I'm a bit ashamed that I'm saying it to you."_

 _"Babe, just get it out."_

 _"I've... I've found someone new." I shut my eyes, looking to the ground and sighing hard._

"You're thoughts when you called her, Lieutenant."

Walker looks to the ground. "At first, I was thinking it would the best day of my life, and then I learned about her relationship with Krios. I was angry... and drinking again. I hadn't touched a drink, since our relationship began, now... I was drowning in a whiskey bottle, all over again, on a nightly basis."

"What did you say after she told you?"

"I blacked out, after she told, so I honestly can't say. Later on, I found out I really hurt her feelings, and when I saw her later, she went from hurt, to pissed." These memories were an extremely hard thing for Walker to recall. He squeezes at the bridge of his nose, as he works to calm his nerves.

"Ensign, lets take a brake."

"Yes sir."

"Walker, you've got half an hour. I'm sure you're hungry, you've got use the bathroom, something along the lines of that."

"Yes sir, I do. I might need more than half an hour though. I feel like a steak right about now."

"Take an hour then."

"Thank you, Admiral."


	5. Missed Breakfast

**I want to take this moment to remind everyone that I'm writing this for therapeutic reasons, not for qualities sake. I appreciate everyone who is reading, but even if no one was reading this, I would still be writing this, because it helps me to grieve.**

* * *

Missed Breakfast

Sirloin steak, medium-rare, mashed potatoes, and piping hot French Fries. Top it all off with a classic coke, and it was one of Lieutenant-commander Walker's favorite meals. It was enough to rise his spirits, but not enough to drive off the memories. Time spent together with Shepard as both children and teenagers. Seeing her after his N7 graduation, the day he found out she was becoming leader of him and his team. Their relationship. The things they did when they were both on leave, the arguments, the angry make-up sex. As he finishes those memories, and his last bit of mashed potatoes, he says out loud, "One of a kind." as he sips his coke.

As he continues to eat, he looks over to see a Drell conversing with some of his fellow soldiers. Not showing obvious attention, he listens to the conversation while eating. "Soldier please," The Drell says. "all that I want is to know when my friend is buried."

"I'm not lying to you." The soldier responds. Walker think he knew what the Drell was asking about. "I know nothing of the Commanders funeral. Now I need to go, and while the Commander may have pulled strings, to allow you access to Alliance ship, she didn't authorize you to bother working soldiers." The soldier storms past the Drell, and Walker waits for him to pass, before he looks back to the alien.

"Drell." Walker calls out to the alien. "Come here. Have a seat.

"Okay." The blue and black trench coat wearing alien responded, as he moved over to sit across from the Lieutenant. "Can you help me, soldier."

"Introductions first, kid. I'm Lieutenant-Commander Griffin Walker."

"Kolyat Krios."

"So, you've got questions about Commander Shepard's funeral."

"How did you know?"

"She's honestly the only Commander that matters. It's not a top secret situation, so you don't need to worry about that. It's just that only a few people know Shepard personally. If she had a say, the funeral wouldn't happen, without her family, and since she has no known surviving blood relatives, she wants her hole crew, every one that ever had on either Normandy, that's still alive, to be there."

"You knew Shepard?"

"Longer than most, whether people knew about it, or me beforehand, or not. I met her when I was a child, and she was later my lover."

The green and black scaled-faced alien leaned back into his seat, and contemplated. "And then she was later my father's lover."

Walker looked at the alien in the eyes. "So your Thane's son. She told me about you. Didn't mention what your name was." He noticed that alien was shifting around unsettlingly. "Relax kid. I was pissed when I first heard. But that didn't last long. The fact of the matter was that I thought she was dead, and she was, until Cerberus somehow brought her back to life. And when she couldn't get in contact with me, and with the fact that Admiral David Anderson had no idea what happened to me, she thought I was dead, until I called her. She moved on... sounds like something I need to do soon."

The Drell nods. "So... who is missing? That's not classified, is it?"

"No. Systems Alliance members James Vega, Kaidan Alenko, Samantha Traynor, Doctor Karin Chakwas, Engineer Greg Adams, and expert pilot Steve Cortez. Also a human reporter named Diana Allers. Along with her alien allies, Turian Garrus Vakarian, Asari doctor Liara T'soni, Quarian Tali'Zorah, and..." He looks around, to see if anyone else is around.

"I already know about the Prothean, Walker." Kolyat quietly interrupts.

Walker chuckles. "She told you."

"No. I saw him, on the Citadel, speaking to her."

Walker nods his head. "Is that all the information you wanted to know, Krios?"

"No sir." He stands up out of his seat, and bows his head. "Thank you Lieutenant. I appreciate your information."

"No problem. I'm sorry about your father."

Kolyat smiles. "Thank you. I'm sorry about your loss as well." As the Drell walks out of sight, Walker returns to his last bit of food. He checks his clock, with five minutes left. He nods his head, carries his dish over to the kitchen, and then heads back to the observation deck.

Back at the deck...

Hackett stared out the window. The Citadel was gone. Back to the Serpent Nebula. Through a few months of hard, cooperative work from all the races, even the Krogan, the largest civilization in the galaxy was quickly made both livable, and workable for people to have jobs, government or otherwise.

"Sir, he has one more minute." The Ensign tells Hackett.

"The kitchen told me that he brought the dishes to their station a few minutes ago." Hackett responds. "He'll be here."

"Yes I will." Both men turn to see the Lieutenant walk into the room, almost on cue. "It's time to finish this. There isn't much more to talk about."

"No, there isn't. Have a seat Lieutenant. I have just a few more questions, and then you're free to go." Walker takes a seat. "Did you enjoy your dinner?"

"Yes sir. Before we begin, what's the status on Shepard's missing companions?"

"Our operation is being aided by a certain... friend of Dr. T'soni's. He's proven to be a huge asset."

"Good. I'm ready to get the funeral out of the way, as well. Speaking of getting things out of the way."

"Right. Ensign?"

'"I'm ready whenever you are, sir." The young soldier responds.

"We carry on from when you discovered that Commander Shepard was back, and seeing someone else. Shepard's new love was a former Krell Assassin named Thane Krios. Did you see her after the fact?"

"I think either three or four times afterwards. At least in person, we talked a few times over comm."

"Go through those times."

"To be fair, I saw her the first time, but didn't speak to her. It was during the Cerberus invasion of the Citadel. My team and I, accept Carlos, who I allowed to have leave, so he could attempt to save his own childhood friend, from a planet being heavily invaded by the Reapers. I didn't ask which planet, just heard the name he said, and told him 'Go.' Luckily the team that I had was more than enough. I looked out in the distance at one point, and I saw her, but I had my hands full myself."

"Does that mean that the second time was after the invasion was over?"

"A day or two after, yeah. She came up to me, when she saw me. She told me that Thane Krios had died from his injuries." Walker shuts his eyes.

 _Fire, smoke, death, the screams of those both terrified, and dying. Smells and sounds that I never would've thought I'd hear on the Citadel, of all places. It had been two days, but the smells were still there, and while the screams had died down and turned into painful groans, that somehow felt worse. And I never would've thought I would see people turn to scavenging, and thievery, around here. Yet here I was, standing in front of a wounded, defenseless Salarian, pointing my pistol at a quickly scurrying away Turian, right in the streets, not even in an apartment._

 _I turn back around, holstering my pistol, and use my Omni-tool to heal his wounds. "Thank you, human." She says, as I help her to her feet._

 _"No problem. Stay safe, everyone's lost their damn minds." I tell her. She nods her hand, and walks away. I run my left hand through my hair, and blow out hot air, from pure frustration. I've seen plenty of bullshit like this, the entirety of this day, and I just want one thing to relax my nerves today. Now I feel like I should've said that sooner, when all of a sudden, someone grabs my face, and pecks my lips with hers. I'm then given one brief second to register who it is. It's Jane. She wraps her arms around my waist, and I swear I can feel a tear graze my shoulder. I wrap my arms back around her, and squeeze. Not one word is said for the next five minutes. No matter what has changed, to see her again in person was surreal, in the best way possible._

"I wasn't exactly having a good day myself, when she found me and told me. But I always, throughout every point in the time that I knew her, was willing to make time for her. She brought me over to a bench a few feet away, and we sat down. That was when she told me about Krios."

"What all was said?"

"Not much. She told me, I held her for a couple more minutes. She wanted to know if my crew was ready for the last battle with the Reapers, I said that we were, and then I ended up actually getting a call from command, sending my crew on a brief mission, elsewhere."

"And the third time you saw her?"

"Right before she left for the Cerberus base. I missed that party she threw at Anderson's old apartment, because of my mission, but I made it back in time to pay her a visit at said apartment."

 _An apartment complex, in one of the most popular entertainment areas in the Citadel. The exact opposite of the apartment that we had lived in, back on Earth. That was a conversation starter. As if the apartments location was an exact opposite, the apartment itself was doubly so. A second floor. A beautiful view. Multiple TV's and a workout room. Fucking hell. Or Heaven in this case, for a soldier at least._

 _"Envious?" I heard her call, from the second floor._

 _"At this point." I start, as I walk up the stairs. "I may not be, in the future."_

 _"Moving up in the world?"_

 _"No." I respond, as I've made it up top, and move in close to look her in the eyes. The night lights shinning in through the window made this a film worthy scene. "Just still holding hope."_

 _She knew what I meant. But I could see it in her eyes, she believed she had just lost her true love. "Griffin... you know how I felt about Thane."_

 _"I do. I also know how you felt about me. I know how I feel about you."_

 _"Wait." She said, somewhat shocked. "You aren't mad. At all."_

 _"I was. And not briefly, either. For months. But then I took time to think about it. You said it yourself, when you first came back, you thought I was dead. You had no reason to think otherwise. Moving on? You had every right to do that. And believe me, I know you need time. But why don't we start somewhere?"_

 _She smiles. "I would like that. No matter what we become in the future, I never want to completely part ways with you." She looks out toward the window. "If we beat the Reapers, do you want to get breakfast somewhere?"_

 _"You know they just opened an IHOP, on the Citadel?"_

 _"You're shitting me!" She exclaims, making us both laugh._

 _"Yeah, an American tradition moved on the Citadel. I'm surprised that they survived that IHOB phase in 2018, frankly."_

 _She chuckles. "IHOP it is then. You know where it is, right?"_

 _"No. But I can find out easily. Go tomorrow?"_

 _"No. My crew and I will be heading to the Cerberus base first thing tomorrow morning."_

 _"So they are working with the Reapers."_

 _She nods. They need to be out of the picture, before we take on the Reapers."_

 _"Alright. I'll see you at IHOP then."_

 _"Assuming we both survive."_

 _I stepped up closer to her side, and kissed the side of her forehead. "I'll see you at IHOP." I confidently repeat._

"We talked for a while, before I actually left the apartment. But I left with an arrangement to meet her for breakfast."

"A date?"

"No. we were gonna start as friends, like before we started dating, see where it went from there."

"You said three or four times, both during and after the Cerberus invasion. Was there a fourth time?"

"Yes. It was towards when she used the Crucible to finish off the Reapers. She didn't say that she was calling everyone she could think of, to say goodbye, but I have a feeling that was what she was doing, when she called me."

"What all did she say to you?"

"I was dropping off some survivors from a downed Salarian warship, when I got the call. 'Jane? Do you need a quick bombing run for backup?' I asked her. She told me no. Told me that she was in the closest safe area to the conduit, and that she was wanting to check up on me. I told her that I hope she gets this done quickly, because at the time the Nightshade was running low on reserve fuel. We're gonna need to pack it in sooner, rather than later."

"I'm sure that didn't help when you were trying to save her, when she was going down in Texas."

"That's for sure. I mentioned to her that that new IHOP was brought down by the invading Reaper forces in was brought down. Said that we would have to pick a different place when all of this was over. She sounded a bit down next, and she said to me, 'Griffin, this may very well be the end.' I was so confident that it'd be alright. I repeated what I said about finding a different place, and she just couldn't understand how I was so positive. I told her that I was actually nervous of whether or not we'd make it out alive, but that positive thinking was the only comforting thing in this hellish situation."

"Unfortunately, yes it was. No one even knew if the Crucible would be our saving grace."

"Exactly. I had to believe, and that was the first time in my life I had ever seen doubt in her eyes. I wanted to reassure her, because no one could afford to show a lack of confidence, or the Reapers would've torn us all to bits. And she was the only one who could stop them. At... at that moment, I confessed that I was a little doubtful and also realized that there was a chance I'd never have another chance to tell her how I felt. Even during the two years she was ruled as dead, even after I found out about Krios, even when she was in mourning," He lets out a rough sigh, during his pause. "Even now, I still love her, and I'll never truly stop. As an atheist, it's something like this that makes me hope I'm wrong."

"And you told her this? That you still loved her?"

"Yes."

"What was her response?"

"I didn't have time to hear it. She said my name, and we were being shot at as soon as we re-entered Earth's atmosphere, and I had to go. I told her to stay safe, and then had to cut the call. Those were my last words to the woman I love."

 _"Commander Shepard, put these motherfuckers down for good." Griffin says brashly._

 _"Don't worry Lieutenant Walker, the galaxy is in good hands." Jane responds confidently._

 _"Boss, we're taking fire!" Nick yells in the background._

 _"I've gotta go, Commander. Stay safe out there."_

Walker shuts his eyes, and looks down to the ground, rubbing his face with both hands. "Fuck." He whispers, before looking back up. "Granted some people's last words to the ones they love have been far worse, and at least she knew how I felt, in the end."

"That she did kid. That she did. Is there anything you want to say, in closing?"

"I'm mourning. I just lost my best friend, the love of my life. Humanity just lost it's shinning star. And now my team and I, through our actions, are considered the best alternative. I won't lie, I need the time to mourn. My team needs the time to discover if our pilot will be able to make his return to service. My friends, across all races. Help us find Shepard's missing crew members. And then, we may all mourn."

"Thank you for your time, Lieutenant Walker." Hackett says, then looking at the Ensign. "And cut. Alright, with the close of this interview, I'm going to recommend you be given two months off, and your team be sent to aid in the search for Shepard's missing crew."

Both men stand up, and shake hands. "Thanks Admiral. Keep me posted, if I may ask you to."

"Of course Walker. But first, your promotion. Report to HQ first thing tomorrow morning, in your Dress Blues. No matter what brass thinks of your interview, you won't hear it, and your promotion will be entirely unaffected."

The Lieutenant simply nods his head, as the Admiral leaves the room, with the Ensign not far behind him. Left alone once again, Walker looks out the window. The memories of Shepard continue to flood his thoughts, and he breaks down.

* * *

 **The day that Cariana died, she was driving to meet up with me, for breakfast at IHOP. And then the car crash happened, and I lost her. I was pissed at first, and then I found out, and I was devastated.**


	6. Goodbye

**So, it's time I explain why I wrote this story. Any one who has read the majority of the stories that I've written, is aware of the fact that in 2015, the mother of my child lost her life, in a motor vehicle accident, news that I broke in an author's note, in part one of my two part The New Sith War story. That actually led to one of the chapters I wrote in that story taking a full year to complete, and upload. That has also led to many personal issues, not limited to just writing.**

 **I wrote this story, as my own way of finally facing the fact that I lost the woman I love, with Commander Shepard taking my fiancé's place in this story. To those that understood, that I knew this story may or may not be high quality throughout, and that I didn't care, I thank you. Now it's time for me to get this final chapter, one loosely based on Cariana's funeral, will hopefully get my head screwed on right. And what is written afterward will be symbolic of me finally moving on.**

 **I still remember the funeral like it was yesterday, and yes it is as sad as it sounds. Much of the speech that my character gives in the story is based off of what I said myself that day, while also mixed with the facts of Commander Shepard, and my character in this story.**

* * *

Goodbye

Progress was stalled for a few months, until the day came that the Normandy was delivered their saving grace. Feron, the Drell information trafficker working for the Shadow Broker herself, managed to use her technologies to rescue his boss, and the rest of the crew of the Normandy, as well. That was the unofficial story at least. Officially, they used the ships power source to sustain themselves, and also hunted for food on the unknown world in which they landed, and used whatever tools they had to repair the ship without anyone coming to give them more. If there was any crew that said story could be believable with, it was this one, regardless of whether or not the captain of the crew was still with them.

It didn't matter what the official story was. The fact was that after leaving the remote planet they had crashed on, the crew of the Normandy back on to a new Shadow Broker Headquarters, not even half the size of the original, but also completely inconspicuous, unlike it's predecessor. Using it's advance FTL drives, the missing crew was back home within a day.

But they're return was not a cause for celebration. They didn't need to be told the final fate of their Commander. Shepard herself told them to run, when Joker refused to leave without her. They had hung both her name, and Admiral Anderson's name on the memorial wall on Deck three. And with her gone, with exception of Garrus and Tali'zorah, the entire crew would go their separate ways. As much friendship, comradery, and love as they had all built up for each other over the years, they knew that sticking together, without the commander, would've been far too difficult. After the funeral, they would all say their goodbyes, no matter how emotional.

But something had to be done for Jeff Moreau. The Normandy couldn't be dry docked, he was thinking to himself. EDI was now gone. If he lost the Normandy, the man better known as Joker could very well be destroyed. His only hope was that someone with influence would recognize that fact.

But this was all a moot point. Not one word of any of it was said during Shepard's funeral. Her body recovered, cleaned up, and kept perfectly preserved, until this exact moment. Everyone sat silently, looking at her cold body, wrapped up in her dress blues, and N7 insignia on the top half of the cabin. Not one member of the crew she had amassed over the years would understand why this soldier, this Lieutenant-Commander Walker was the one who would speak last, for the time being, but in the decision being made, the man himself learned just how special the woman he loved truly was to so many people, alive or otherwise.

They all had stories to tell, and all of said stories were enough to bring anyone to tears. A few stood out for Walker. Liara, who spoke of how it was Shepard's bravery, and influence that caused her overcome her own shy personality, and make a positive mark in the galaxy. Garrus, whose reluctance to tell her his feelings, leading to her falling for Thane Krios, ended up becoming the learning experience he needed to find his own love. And Jack, who through Shepard's example, matured to the point where she found her calling, teaching the biotic prodigies of Grissom Academy.

But now, it was time for them to find the answer as to why Lieutenant-Commander Walker was the last to speak. They quickly realized how close this man truly was with Shepard. Unlike Admiral Hackett, close to Shepard in his own right, this man carried no cards, of a written out speech. He was speaking straight from the heart, and as he looked upon Shepard's body, he was visibly fighting back the tears, and suddenly his words became the most interesting.

The Lieutenant-Commander looks out upon the faces of his lovers crew. He had met Kaidan Alenko once, for a brief mission, but hadn't seen him again. And now he was the second ever Human Spectre. He knew of James Vega for being a part of the original Delta Squad, and now he may become an N7. Of course all of the people Shepard had worked with gained some measure of fame, by association. Some of them may very well have learned more about her than even he knew. But he knew her the longest.

He clears his throat. "Some of what I'm gonna say here today is gonna be published in an interview I had with Admiral Hackett, one month ago. I know that those of you who recognize me barely recognize me, and most of you have never heard of me before now. I'm Lieutenant-Commander Griffin Walker. The commanding officer of the second incarnation of Delta Squad, this one being an N7 project, with the first being commanded, towards the end of its run, by mister Vega." He looks over the Hispanic soldier. "Good luck in N7." The soldier nods to him.

"Shepard was the reason that I joined the Alliance in the first place. And in effect, I was the reason she became Commander Shepard in the first place, and not just another gang member in the streets of Minneapolis. My parents took her in, as hers basically left her on the streets, right up until their deaths. The courts ruled them as unfit, and my parents were all too happy to take her in. Obviously I wish they were still here, because I miss them every day. But with how much they loved her, I'm in a way glad they weren't here to see either the Reapers, or this day." He scratches at his cheek, taking a short second to compose.

"In those early years, our relationship was more brother and sister, than what it was later. She fought me a lot when I worked my ass off getting her away from those 'friends' of hers, and she resented me for 'being to pushy' is what she said. But I knew she was better than that, whether she wanted to believe it or not. And eventually, I did get through to her, even if it was only because she liked to ride in my hover car to school."

"I gave the chance to think about how she could make a difference in the galaxy, and eventually she decided to join the military, and so did I, after I got to a point where I had no idea what the hell I wanted to do. She never would've admitted it, but I swear that after she became an N7 she pulled strings to get me, and my friends considered for initiation. I had talked to her a few times since she joined the military, and the day that we graduated, was the first time I'd seen her in person, in two and a half years at that point. Later on, she ended up becoming the commanding officer of my team and I, up until she was assigned to the original Normandy." He pauses, and looks to his right, at Shepard's body.

"We started to reconnect the day of my graduation, and months later as just friends, we ended up renting an apartment together just so we could have a place to spend shore leave. Somehow, we always ended up getting said leave at the same time. The more time we spent together, the closer we became. And on the exact same week that Akuze happened, my friends and I lost the sixth member of our team, in action. I got back to the apartment before she did, and I was drinking heavily. I knew about Akuze at that time as well, and I didn't know if she was alive. I stopped drinking when she walked through the door. She knew about Shawn, knew that he died. In comforting each other, our relationship began that night."

He rubs at his forehead, knowing that this next part was never going to be easy to talk about. "When she was assigned to the Normandy, I didn't see her in person until after Saren was dead. It was for two days, and those two days were a week before she was originally pronounced dead. Fast forward two years later, I get back after my team and I completed a top secret operation, still highly classified to this day, and the story of images of her alive and well, taken at several locations, flood the net. Captain Anderson told me how to get in touch with her, and I call almost immediately. That's when I found out about Thane Krios. I wanted his head at first, and I'd be lying if I said otherwise. But I had time to think. Time to just sit down, and think to myself, fair play. After all, Anderson himself had no idea where I was. Shepard thought I was dead, and I wouldn't be surprised if Anderson, or anyone else who knew me thought so, as well."

"When Cerberus hit the Citadel, was one of the last times I saw her in person. She found me in the streets, a day after Thane Krios died, and she couldn't help but wrap me up. We sat on a bench, and spoke for an hour at least. Later on, my team and I were sent on another assignment. She actually invited me to that party y'all had at her apartment on the Citadel, but my mission wasn't done at that point. I did come to see her there after the fact. She told me that she was mourning Thane, that she loved him. I told her that my feelings for her were still there. So we were gonna wait till after the Reapers were dealt with, and then start with a friendly breakfast on the Citadel."

"The last time I saw her, I knew there was a possibility would be exactly that. She called me right before she went to the Crucible, like she did most everyone I see here today. I knew, whether or not I wanted to admit it, that this might be my last chance. I told her that I never stopped loving her. Not when we didn't communicate as often, not when she was classified as K.I.A, not when she was with Krios." He looks over to her body again. "Not ever." Looking back ahead, he concluded. "She was my best friend, and the love of my life. There will never be another like her, and the galaxy, while benefitting from her actions, is worse off without her. Jane, goodbye, my love." A tear slides down each cheek, as he steps down from the podium.

Later...

Shepard's body was lowered into the ground, right next to Walker's father, and the dirt had begun settling for already an hour and a half. At this point, only Walker was left to look down at the gravestone, left alone even by his teammates, and two blood brothers, who were also in attendance, having their own sibling-like relationships with Shepard. It was a large family plot in Minnesota, a place located at Chippewa National Forest, overlooking Leech Lake, the exact opposite side of the lake being the location where his parents had their first date.

Walker stood, completely silent, his tears had stopped sliding, but his eyes were still very watery. His train of thought, as well of the silence is broken by a light-sounding man's voice. "Excuse me, Lieutenant Commander."

Walker turns around to see Joker himself standing behind him. "Jeff Moreau?" He says, as he wipes his eyes off. "Something I can help you with?"

"Hackett wanted me to speak to you, it was about something in particular, but before I get there, I want to speak to you."

"You probably aren't the only one, are you?"

"No. A few people have questions, but some of them are willing to wait for the interview. I am too, but like I said, I have my orders."

"That mean that you're not gonna ask me about Jane?"

"No, I'm not. I was wanting to know what you're gonna do now? Is this the end of your active duty career?"

"No. It's not the end of my team's career, so it could never be the end of mine." He looks down to the ground. "Well, except for Nick."

"I kind of figured, given that he was still in a wheelchair. Doctors refusing to clear him?"

"Yes. But that's not the only reason he's not coming back. She wasn't here today, but his wife just gave birth to a baby girl, a couple of weeks ago. With the galaxy as damaged as it is now, being with his wife and daughter feels like the most important thing to him, right now."

"Nice. I oughta tell him congratulations, before he leaves. I don't know much about your team though. What was his job?"

"He was the pilot of the Nightshade. Now that we've lost her, I don't know how this squad is going to get around, yet."

"If the brass have their way, it'll be in the Normandy."

Walker can't help but look down at the newly planted gravestone, after hearing that. He looks back to Jeff a moment later. "And how do you feel about that?"

"My only problem with it, is that to me she'll always be Commander Shepard's ship. But at the same time, I've already lost my own love to this war. I don't want to lose the Normandy to permanent dry dock. And I don't give a shit who thinks that the ship should be permanently dry docked, as a monument. That ship belongs in active duty. If they want a monument, they can take the memorial wall we've got on Deck three, and put it on display in a museum."

Walker couldn't help but smile in admiration of Joker's passion for his vessel. "I like you, Joker. And you're reputation precedes you. And we do have common ground. As great as the Normandy is, it can never replace the Nightshade for us, just like I can't replace Jane for you." He sticks his hand out. "And if you're there, I'd be honored."

"No way in hell that ship will leave with another pilot." Joker gently grabs Walkers hand, as they shake, and their partnership was born.

A month later...

Walker did not hesitate after his two month leave was over. He gathered his crew to tell them of their new mobile base, and workers moved to load their gear into the Normandy's lockers, and crew quarters. The crew itself, with exception of all of the operatives, as none of them had any close connection with Walker or his team, remained largely the same. Aside from Joker, Dr. Chakwas and Engineer Greg Adams both stayed, given their love of the Normandy. In addition, Gabriella Daniels and Kenneth Donnelly returned, given that the ship was were their relationship began. And Steve Cortez had quickly grown a love of this ship, and wouldn't leave it for anything. Even Ensign Traynor returned, knowing that this ship is where she came out of her shell.

As Walker and his team examined every room in the ship, they each found their own place to work, and live. Carlos was absolutely fascinated by the Tantalus Drive Core, and took to sleeping right below it, and studying it while he was awake. Matias knew the most about the highly advanced weapon systems of the Normandy, and took Garrus Vakarian's old job of maintaining said guns. And Ramone went to the same observation deck that the Justicar Samara once sat at on her time on the Normandy to meditate as she once did.

As for the C.O of the crew, Griffin Walker knew exactly where his own quarters were. He also knew who they used to belong to. While the emotional pain of going in there was something he wanted to get out of the way on the first day, he knew that he could use the excuse of getting to know his new crew, all the way up until that night. But there was no longer any excuses. The crew was all winding down, preparing to sleep, and all the boxes of Walker's personal property were still fully packed. As he entered the room, he looked over to just above the personal computer. Jane had told him that her name plate was plastered on the wall just above the personal computer, but now it was his name plastered in said spot. He looked over to the left side of the computer, and that's when he saw a small holographic reader. Examining it, he read nearly all of the exact same words as were on her tombstone.

Commander

Jane Shepard

Step-daughter

Lover

It was one of the last times that Walker would shed a tear over the fact, and having that reader was going to help him to move on. He had a lot of things to unpack in this new home of his. But the most important thing to him was to place the one picture of him and her that he wanted with him. It was a picture of the two of them together, his arm wrapped around her waist, and her head resting on his shoulder, in front of the Nightshade. "Rest peacefully. I love you." He said, as he turned to unpack the rest of his belongings.

* * *

 **Cariana Raygor**

 **February 9th 1997- June 30th 2015**

 **Beloved daughter**

 **Fiancé**

 **Mother**


End file.
